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The Role of Grief Group Facilitators
By Saundra L. Washington
Technically, there are two types of grief groups.
Informational and support groups are for individuals who
have an interest in the grief process. The purpose of
these groups is to promote grief education and
awareness. It covers the grief process in a more
academic fashion.
The second type of grief group is a process and personal
growth oriented group focusing on facilitating the
individual participant's own personal loss management.
It is therapeutic in nature and can take many different
forms including: Individuals, Couples, Father's,
Mother's, Siblings, and Family groups. Each group
typically focuses on a specific type of loss
(death-loss, suicide, homicide, SIDS, divorce, etc) as
well as the unique needs of the group members. Though
many commonalities exist between these groups each has
its own unique dynamics and concerns. We will be
focusing on this type of group, sometimes referred to as
Grief Recovery groups. I prefer the term "Grief
Management".
Before we can help people manage their grief, we need to
understand the term "manage." Manage can mean to succeed
in doing something, especially something that seems
difficult or impossible. The intransitive verb means to
survive or continue despite difficulties, especially a
lack of resources. Both of these variant meanings apply
to managing grief. "Healing" on the other hand implies a
restoration to a former state. Though we are talking
semantics, it is important to understand that loss
leaves a permanent void; a permanent part of the
survivor is missing, never to be restored.
Grief
Grief is characterized by confusion in which it is
difficult to pinpoint feelings. Dozens of emotional
reactions occur simultaneously. Analyzing the parts of
grief can help the person to segregate one feeling from
another. Once a feeling is identified, it can be
expressed. It can be brought out into the open where
healing takes place.
Grief not only causes many physical reactions, but it is
accompanied by many practical, social, philosophical,
and spiritual problems as well. A person may not receive
or expect to receive answers to the problems, but he/she
should certainly have the chance to voice the questions.
There are answers and solutions to many problems in
grief. When time is taken to do problem solving, the
instances of unresolved grief are reduced.
Given proper support, grievers are enabled to move to a
state of peace and acceptance. This is the goal of Grief
Management groups.
Group Leaders/Facilitators:
When working with grieving individuals in a group, you
must be clear about your role in the process. As grief
facilitators we assume important responsibilities. The
bereaved should be able to expect a high degree of
professionalism from us. It is necessary for us to have
a working knowledge of the grief process, group
dynamics, and the impact significant loss has on the
psyche. Active listening and helping skills are
extremely important. We listen empathetically to their
stories, give validation, interpret the emotional
content, and translate it into the language of grief.
All Grief Facilitators must:
Be open to what grievers can teach you about grief and
mourning. Understand that the focus of attention during
group is on each member's journey through their own
particular grief work. The group exists for their
benefit. Our job is to create the environment, set the
course, and steer the group process within the
boundaries of mutual respect and purposeful dialogue. It
is beneficial to everyone to stay "on task" and "on
topic."
Accept all group members unconditionally, "as they are."
We are not there to "do therapy" with them. We cannot
take away their pain or in any way "fix" their lives.
Each person's viewpoint is appropriate because it is
formed from his or her own personal knowledge and
experiences with life up to this moment in time. Our job
is to listen without judging and offer new understanding
and perspective. We can validate their feelings as they
tell about their experiences. We can help them to
externalize their thoughts. We can assist with bringing
feelings to the surface. We can facilitate expression in
the language of grief.
Be open to the idea that most often it is within the
context of sharing and discussion that we also teach.
For example, we may use what a mother shares as a way to
teach the common denominators of grief and mourning. As
facilitators we may ask: "Has anyone else felt like
Saundra feels?" or "feelings of isolation are
experienced by many people, Nicole, tell us more about
how it feels for you," or "It sounds like what Grant is
saying about feeling guilty is similar to Gail's
experience. Can anyone else add to that?" or "What other
feelings are a normal part of grieving?"
Our expectation is that this kind of interactive sharing
will bring them new information, new experience, and new
insight that will promote positive healing. The main
aspect to remember though is to "keep the ball in their
court." It is their life, their feelings, and their job
to do the grief work. Be attuned to each griever, to the
feelings behind his/her words, and to the overall
atmosphere in the room. We want each participant to have
an equal chance to be heard. Each participant deserves
the full attention of the group while sharing. We make
every effort to include everyone in all activities and
discussions, while still allowing them the freedom to
refrain or "pass" if they choose.
Recognize that your role is to help the bereaved
understand and then move through the tasks of grief.
Covering this agenda is desirable; however, "the best
laid plans" may go out the window in favor of the agenda
that the griever brings to the session. It is important
to work through their immediate concerns and burdens. We
want to stay flexible. We remind ourselves that we can
almost always expect unfinished business at the end of
each session. In my experience and in the experience of
many colleagues, it has been found that planned topics,
tasks, and curriculum ultimately get covered in a
natural and spontaneously relevant way.
Be willing to share your role as facilitator. As your
group evolves, some members will probably exert
themselves as unofficial co-facilitators. Encourage
them. Go with the immediate flow (dynamic). The skill,
of course, is to intervene and redirect when the dynamic
is not healthy.
Understand that the atmosphere of each group session may
be distinctively varied. The temperaments,
personalities, and experiences of everyone present will
be significant factors in how the group interacts. Do
not be surprised or discouraged by the variations in the
mood from one session to the next. Sometimes we worry
that no "progress" is being made or that we have "lost
control." Other times the group is so quiet that it is
like "pulling teeth" to get a response or, in contrast,
they may digress to any other topic rather than "deal
with the grief." It is frustrating! We continually
relearn to deal with our lofty expectations by replacing
them with more gentle assessments of what is being
accomplished. Each group can have a different flavor and
still be highly effective, even if at the onset we had
our doubts that the group would ever "gel." Our own
hindsight and the members' evaluations at the end of the
series often reveal and affirm the value of each group's
process.
A Word of Caution
There is a fine line between strong group facilitating
and strong-arming or dominating your group. While
members will appreciate your nurturing leadership, they
will not appreciate too tight a rein on the group's
interaction. Sometimes that means letting the group
dynamic dictate what will happen next. Other times your
"gentle firmness" will be welcomed as you guide the
group in discussion.
I have found the most effective facilitators in grief
management groups lead unobtrusively but firmly. That
is, they are warm and responsive and at the same time
they make others feel comfortable that someone is "in
charge." |
