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Expressing Grief - What to Know and
How to Help Men, Women, and Children Cope With Grief
By Christopher P Hill
Grief is something that is usually associated with the
loss of a loved one, and is widely recognized to be a
healthy, normal and necessary reaction to such a
difficult loss. Because everyone is built with a unique
set of characteristics and emotions, and each person has
a special relationship with any loved one who has
passed, each person deals with grief in a different way.
This is particularly true when you break down the
various ways grief is expressed among men, women and
children. Even though a man, a woman, or a child cannot
be expected to express grief in similar ways, they are
all experiencing the similar feelings, and they are all
attempting to find the best possible way to heal from
within.
Men and Grief
Generally speaking, most men are not comfortable
expressing their grief outwardly, publicly, or even
verbally. Although the loss for a man is just as
devastating as it is for a woman or a child, most men
are very reluctant to express their feelings. The
initial reaction for a man is to deal with grief
physically or mentally rather than emotionally, or to
stay in control versus display any strong outward
expressions of emotion. Therefore, men tend to resort to
focusing on tasks, goals, or accomplishments. This can
include focusing on things like performing physical
tasks or chores, writing a book or eulogy, creating a
special memorial, or even attempting to shift the focus
towards work or sports. However, whether it happens
quickly or over a longer period of time, men are forced
to face the reality and enormity of the situation, admit
and accept the emotional effects of such a difficult
loss, and express their emotions in order to truly heal.
Women and Grief
For the most part, women tend to be more emotional than
men, which would logically explain why they are much
more capable and willing to express their grief and
emotions. For example, women are much more likely to
show how they feel outwardly and publicly through
expressions such as talking, crying, or displaying
extended periods of severe sadness and loss. The main
benefit here is that, because they are more willing to
express and confront these emotions, this can make it
much easier to find healing through joining
associations, groups, and grief counseling. By sharing
their feelings and emotions, as well as being surrounded
by others who may have the same (or similar) experience
of losing a dear loved one, this can often encourage a
stronger passage through the healing process.
Children and Grief
Depending on their age, children can express grief in a
wide variety of ways. Younger children can often mirror
the emotions of the older people around them, and
therefore tend to express similar emotions as their
older siblings, parents or grandparents. A younger child
can also choose to go right back into playtime, choosing
to hide any grief through living in a "fantasy world".
As children get older, they can become much more
independent and choose to grieve through things such as
games, art, music, or even sporting activities. This
allows them to remain in close to their comfort zone,
which is usually surrounded by positive influences such
as music, scenery, competition, and fun. Most grief
experts suggest that most children should be encouraged
to experience their grief in whatever way makes them
feel the most comfortable, since over time each child
will eventually face the reality of the situation, the
grieving process, and ultimately the healing.
How to Help Someone Dealing With Grief
The message here is that there is no right or wrong way
to express grief, and that every man, woman and child
tends to grieve differently. The most important things
to focus on when someone you care about is grieving are
making sure this person has as much love, support, and
encouragement as possible. Also make sure you let them
grieve and express their emotions at their pace, when
the time is right for them. In time, expressing grief is
a necessary part of healing, so just make sure you are
there for them when this time is right. |
