|
Dealing With Death
By Sue Hessom
Death is something that I seem to think about more as I
get older. I wish I knew what to expect.
I try not to be fearful, but it's hard not to fear the
unknown; after all death is inevitable, it is the one
thing in life that is guaranteed... but, does that make
it any easier to accept? No, I think not.
Death comes in many guises - sometimes unexpectedly and
sometimes through horrific circumstances. Some people go
quickly and peacefully, some suddenly and tragically
whilst others may have to endure tremendous suffering
and pain, but whichever form, death brings with it a
rollercoaster of emotions. These emotions are strong and
run deep, and for a period of time take over your life.
The depth of emotions can differ depending on the
circumstances of the death. When someone is taken
suddenly, the sense of denial can be enormous, no
warnings, no preparation, no goodbyes - all the plans
that you had made and all the things that you wanted to
say but never got the chance. How can that be fair? And
how are you ever going to come to terms with that let
alone accept it? When someone is terminally ill, your
life is suspended, it is no longer your own until that
fatal day when your life is turned upside down and
suddenly you have to find the person/family that you
once were before.
So how do we do it? How do we learn to cope with the
loss? There is no rewind button; there is no pause, our
only option to move forwards no matter how painful.
Mourning is a process that we all have to go through -
you have to let the emotional wash over you to enable
you to come through the other side. I am not saying that
you have to plaster a smile on your face and stop
talking about your feelings or the person you lost, what
I am saying is you have to face each new day; face the
emotion and the challenge and conquer it. Some days will
be harder than others, some days you might feel that you
can't face anyone, some days you may just want to sit
and cry and ask why, other days you may want to shout
from the rooftops about the unfairness of it all; this
is all okay, its part of the healing process - you just
have to ensure that it doesn't become the norm. Remember
your loved ones will always be in your heart no matter
what, you will always miss them and feel their absence
but the pain will eventually start to ease - you on the
other hand have to remember to live, the chances are you
have other responsibilities, people who rely on you to
be strong and lead the way, so on the days when it feels
particularly hard, always remember your lost ones and
what they would want for you.
So that's all well and good, but what about the people
we have lost? Personally I think death is whatever you
want it to be...
I often have visions of my dad, my twin brother and
young niece all together. Dad is sat on a wooden bench
in a field full of poppies. Dad is wearing a canvas
fishing cap, I can't really see his face - my view is
from a distance. Dad is fishing. My brother is sat next
to him, must be about seven. His feet are dangling from
the bench and sometimes he is laughing at something dad
has said, sometimes he is concentrating and focusing on
something dad is showing him. Occasionally my brother
looks my way and I can almost see his face, we almost
connect but I never seem to hold the vision for long
enough. My beautiful niece is skipping through a meadow,
her tiny feet leaving footprints amongst the buttercups,
the sun is shining, reflecting on her bouncy blonde
curls, she is laughing and shouting something out to her
grand-dad. Sometimes I see her tiny hands holding out a
butterfly which she lifts up to the sky to set free.
Another time I see my friends mum sat next to dad - they
are laughing and shaking their heads - I can't hear what
they are saying but I know they are discussing our
latest escapade...
I don't know how real this is. I am not religious and
I'm not going to question it, but it brings me comfort
on those days when life just seems so unfair - it makes
it all a little easier to accept. Death of a parent
leaves you feeling lonely. The protection they provided
suddenly gone and the death of a child is something that
no-one should face - how you ever move forward from that
I will never know. So my vision, my belief, works for me
and I'm sticking with it.
Sue Hessom is a renowned lifestyle writer who, in
conjunction with a successful publishing team, has
launched http://www.realwomentoday.com |
