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How to Perform A Memorial/Funeral
Service
By Amy E Long
Death, for most of people, is a thing that is, at best,
something we don't dwell on often. It's something that
happens to other people, in other places, away from our
daily lives. So, whenever it happens around us, we are
caught off-guard. As a minister, you can't allow that to
happen.
What would you do if some friend or loved one died and
you are requested to do the service? Would you give up
that responsibility, just because you're fearful about
having never been the minister for a funeral before and
do not know what to say?
Many years ago, I recognized this and I began learning
about funeral and memorial services. I contacted funeral
homes, where I was told, among other things, that there
is usually a definite need for officiants to officiate
non-denominational services.
The most difficult parts for me had been combating the
potential worry about the way I would feel about being
near a corpse, and trying to figure out what I was
planning to say at the service. Until the time of my
first memorial service, I'd not ever as much as been to
a funeral, let alone seen a corpse. I would like to
begin by saying a dead body looks a whole lot like a wax
dummy. Not even a little scary. It swiftly becomes
apparent the spirit has already left and what remains
was merely an empty vessel.
As for the words to say, I shortly discovered that there
is very little material for funeral ceremonies and
virtually nothing available for clergy who desire to
conduct them. What pastors need are some sort of script
to follow, like at weddings. I did, after much
searching, locate 1 ceremony from a mainstream religion
and one written by someone from another
non-denominational religion. Neither was quite the truth
I wanted to share, but it gave me a place to begin. I
then wrote a few books which include several pages of
choices for the various parts in the service.
I open my services with a welcome message and a thank
you on behalf of the family for their attendance. Next,
I start to talk about the reason we are gathering - for
the celebration of the life of a person they've loved. I
invite everyone to give a spiritual hello to the newly
departed, while I lead everyone in prayer. I share some
about living and dying and whatever we'd learned from
the deceased in his or her time with us. Then, I
transition into the eulogy. I made a general opening for
the eulogy, then I fill the eulogy in with the facts and
stories I am told by the bereaved before the ceremony
I also usually include some biographical content in the
starting of the eulogy, which reminds everyone that the
departed one was both a member of a family or group and
was also an individual. I usually then talk regarding
the importance of reminiscing fondly about the deceased
and invite people to stand up and share stories and ask
everyone there to say a few words. It's common to have
nobody speak at the service, but sometimes folks will
come up if they are invited.
From here, there may be a lot of opportunity for
variation. I enjoy singing or leading people in 'Amazing
Grace' during memorial services. Not everyone is
comfortable initiating this, but there still may be
space to have a song, either recorded or sung. Just be
sure the funeral director is aware if a tape or CD needs
to be played. The directors generally already know about
this. After the song, there might be a candle-lighting,
reading of scripture or reciting of some poetry The
service usually concludes with a prayer and a
benediction.
If the body is going to be interred (buried), then I
follow the family to the burial site (unless I'm already
there), and say some words of bible passages, the Lord's
Prayer, plus the words for the interment - (offering the
body from whence it came, and so forth.) I do not
necessarily do the service in that order; it just
depends on whatever feels right at the time. It is very
good to show up ready for anything.
I have discovered that funeral services are an
outstanding place to help others, find out about myself
and other people better, and to heal their grief. The
single most important thing to remember whenever you're
doing a ceremony is that it's essential that you, as the
officiant, keep a lid on your own personal feelings.
There is going to be a good deal of folks around you
sitting in hurt as well as grief. It is not your job to
match them. It's your job to keep yourself a bit distant
and show your compassion, while still being strong, so
that the bereaved can lean on you as well as feel free
to show their own emotions.
REMEMBER that there is no absolute way for officiating a
memorial service. The important aspects are to have
respect for both the deceased and those grieving, to
continue the cultural tradition of the way we say
goodbye to our deceased, to pray to the universal
consciousness for blessings and peace in this period of
sadness and grieving, that reverence of The Supreme
Being's promise of eternal life to people that believe.
It's imperative during this time, to set people's minds
at rest. The bereaved may be experiencing grief,
uncertainty about the fate of their loved one following
death, anger, concerns, etc. It is really up to you to
identify those emotions and do your best to put them at
ease.
It's good to be ready and every minister should possess
a copy of ' Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage ',
along with its sequel, 'More Weddings, Funerals and
Rites of Passage'.
Rev. Amy Long is the President of the Universal Life
Church Seminary. Through this site, found at the
Universal Life Church, you can become ordained, learn to
do weddings, learn to conduct funerals, take courses on
all types of religious and spiritual matters and we are
open to all faiths and belief systems.
We offer a comprehensive seminary and chaplaincy
program, so please come to our site and check out the
many things we have to offer. You can sign up for our
seminary program for free and receive free samples of
all the courses we have, including this one. |
