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Funerals Are For the Living - Do They
Have to Be Traditional?
By Eric Vandermeersch
Usually when people are making arrangements for a
funeral service they believe they are doing so for the
deceased. But it's important to understand that funerals
are not for our loved ones that go before us, but
instead, for all of us that are still here. Funerals are
in memory of our loved ones but they serve as an event
for our own comfort and our own need to mourn. Many
people have begun to realize this fact and have drifted
away from stuffy, impersonal funerals. The days are gone
where you feel guilty for not spending for an
extravagant funeral service. We are now moving towards a
much simpler, honest type of service that allows us to
really memorialize and celebrate our loved ones without
the frills.
You don't need an expensive box, an invasive procedure,
fancy car, or an outrageous service charge to
memorialize your loved one because none of those things
matter. All that matters is the memory of your loved one
and how you are able to preserve that memory. Many
people find comfort in a traditional funeral service
with open casket viewings, church services and little
sandwiches with noodle salad. That's absolutely fine but
let's not follow tradition just for tradition's sake.
Instead, let's talk about celebrating an exceptional
life.
I have been a funeral director for 10 years now and I've
directed countless funeral services of all kinds,
serving these families to the best of my ability. I was
a stranger to these families when they walked into the
funeral home in search of help and I would be a stranger
to most of them now. However, there are many that I do
remember and it is the uniqueness of the ceremonies they
held that remains in my mind.
Religions want us all to have the same funeral service.
They feel that everyone should go by the same words and
rituals because all are equal in the eyes of God. That's
why the Catholics place a pall over the casket before it
is brought to the front of the chapel (As if an all
mighty God could be fooled by such a tool or see value
in an ornate box). If this is the way you choose to
believe, so be it. Perhaps when one has dedicated their
life to a religion, then the best way to celebrate that
life is with that religion. One would hope that your God
sees all of us as equals, but let equality set in after
death because here on earth and in the hearts and minds
of our family and friends, we are not equals. I love my
mother and father much more than I love yours and I hope
you feel the same. I would want to give them a service
unique to who they are and one that properly depicts
their lives and the relationships they've created. As a
funeral director I've seen ashes scattered on race
tracks, golf courses, oceans and cottages. I've seen
videos, heard eulogies and stories that could make a
perfect stranger cry with true love and passion in the
words spoken from the most tender places in the heart.
There is no dollar sign attached to that. Meaning is
created by remembering, and remembering is free. With
that I would encourage you to create your own memorial
service or service of remembrance.
These days, many families are having what is known as a
direct cremation. This is a minimal service providing
you with only the cremation of your loved one and the
basic services that go along with it. Once the cremation
is done, the cremated remains are released to the family
and from that point you decide what's done with them.
Now you may choose to hold your own service in a
meaningful location such as residences, restaurants,
beaches, parks, yacht clubs or anywhere else the
deceased liked to go. Not only will this be much less
money but it will also make for a more meaningful and
personal service.
Everyone lives a unique life full of wonderful
experiences and stories. These lives should not be
remembered with boring, cookie-cutter services, but
rather with vigor, enthusiasm and the freedom to express
feelings uninhibited by tradition that has lost its
meaning.
Copyright: Eric Vandermeersch, Basicfunerals.com 2009
This article was written by Eric Vandermeersch,
President, Basicfunerals.com
Eric Vandermeersch started Basicfunerals.com with the
intent of providing communities with funeral services
that are dignified and professional while being fair and
economical.
Basicfunerals.com is the first and largest online
funeral provider in North America.
Funeral assistance and other articles like this can be
viewed at http://www.funeraladvice.org as well as forums
and discussions that help families make better choices
for funeral arrangements. |
