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Dealing With Deaths During Our
Lifetime
By Lauraine Bruss
As the second last child of a family of 10 children, I
have had my share of joys, and sorrows, shared with the
number of loved ones a large family eventually turns
into. Joys and sorrows are constantly shared if the
family is close knit, and ours was very close, enjoying
one another for holidays when the family got together,
at weddings, and other special occasions.
Being in a large extended family, we also live through
many family deaths. Aside from deaths expected of
grandparents and other relatives, because of their age,
and with explanations from parents, one grows up
expecting to lose those much older than you. A baby,
however, is a completely different situation to contend
with.
My first niece, born on December 25, died on the
following April 4th, when I was just 9 years old. This
experience is quite different, especially in the eyes of
a child. I can understand why, when a child attending
school dies, the administrators feel it important to
having counselors on hand for the schoolmates of the one
who died.
Another memory was of a young woman who drowned in the
local area, which seemed unfair since she drowned as she
attempted to save her brother. We realized what a good
thing she was doing that caused her death and that was a
lesson for us.
The deaths of two soldiers, during WWII, whose families
were within a 10 mile radius of our home left memories
in my mind. Having gone to the memorial service for one,
I still remember how different this seemed from the
funerals we attended when a body was there.
Years later, after all members of our family were
married, five members of our extended family died in the
span of one year; a set of twins, followed by the death
of their mother, and two other brothers who each lost a
baby son. That is when one comes head on to reality of
what can happen and all are affected.
Having the close ties our family had, everyone grieved
as they experienced the sorrow of one brother and sister
in law who lost three babies, all less than a year old.
We were thankful and rejoiced with them that two other
children grew up into adulthood. When their grown
daughter lost one of a set of twins, the thought of
history repeating itself entered our minds, however, the
other children are all healthy and growing up, taking
their places in society. At the time of the deaths of
their three infants, we realized how important it is to
have family around and my heart aches for those who have
to live through the death of a beloved family member by
themselves.
Then, what in our minds was the most tragic, was when,
late one night, we got the call that our 17 year old
grandson was killed in an automobile accident. That is
hard to accept but one lives through those days and
never forgets, also remembering the good that comes from
tragedy.
Knowing this grandson was a Christian makes all the
difference in the world. Not involving drinking or
drugs, and driving at the speed set on the highway, it
was determined that conditions of the road caused the
accident. Events that happened for months after this
tragedy were a comfort to us.
The first was when the family received a letter from two
young ladies who were probably the first to be on the
scene after the accident. Being twins, the one young
lady explained how they came to the accident and, not
being able to do anything, they prayed for the family.
In their letter they also assured the family that they
were sure none of the four young people who were killed
had suffered. This was what helped to ease the pain of
not knowing what the circumstances were at the time of
death.
The second letter the family received was from a
gentleman who arrived on the scene shortly after the
accident and he also expressed his concern and prayers
for the remaining members of the families. He shared
that, although he didn't know if the family would
believe it or not, there was such an aura of peace and
tranquility that he had never experienced before and he
wanted the family to know that God and His Angels were
indeed there with them. Being Christians, we do believe
this and it was just so comforting to know a gentleman
would be so concerned for the family of someone he
didn't even know and take the time to share that with
them.
Receiving these notes from those who were the first on
the scene, and what they shared, helped the grieving
family immensely, and I can only encourage everyone who
has the opportunity to ever be able to share something
comforting with the remaining family, after a tragedy,
to please do that.
When graduation time came, rows of seats were saved for
the families of these young people and the graduation
ceremony was dedicated to them. The parents were given
the certificates these young students would have
received, had they been alive. The words spoken about
them were very touching. The huge banners that were put
in the high school halls after these young people were
killed, giving students in the school the opportunity to
write personal notes, were given to the families.
The students wrote notes directly to the deceased and it
brought tears to the eye when one read what they
expressed. What a testimony! It assured everyone that
these were truly loved fellow students, as was also
witnessed when the long stream of students passed the
casket for the funeral, each putting a red rose in a
container. Though tears flow at a time like that, it
eases the grief to know that your loved one was admired
by so many. When many frown on the clothes teens wear
and how they wear their hair, judging our youth, we all
have to admit that most of them are really wonderful
young people but, because we cannot look in their heart,
we have the tendency to judge them by what we see and do
them an injustice by the thoughts we form.
Good can come from tragedy and the testimonies of people
regarding those who died, were witnesses to what kind of
young people they were. I will just mention two
instances here of events that took place. The times they
told of things the deceased person did, with some being
hilarious, some being thoughtful, along with other
instances of their being together with youth and adults,
are precious memories to savor.
A close relative of one of the young ladies who lost her
life wrote how she was dying of cancer and she didn't
know what would happen when she leaves this earth.
Reading about all of the positive statements published
in several newspapers about these teens whose lives were
to an end amazed her. Realizing that they did not fear
death, or what would come after that, she stated, "I am
a 64 year old lady dying of cancer and have no idea what
will happen to me. How could they be so positive about
where they would end up?" These young people were
Christians and, because of this incident, she became a
Christian just days before she died. What a blessing,
and what a joy to her family members, knowing this lady
had a peaceful death after all, not fearing death any
longer.
Another event was when the schools, to honor the memory
of these students who died in the accident, set aside a
day when they asked pastors from all the local churches
to be on hand and make themselves available to any
student who had questions about anything disturbing that
they were experiencing in their lives at the time,
whether at home, at school, or wherever they were in
their life. During the day hours they made themselves
available to the children in the lower grades. In the
evening they had planed a special event for the older
children, and those of high school age. Again, the
clergy made themselves available to any of the students
who felt they needed help and wanted to talk to one of
them. Reaching out to all of these young people was
indeed the opportunity some may have taken to receive
help and was a tribute and blessing we remember, as an
outcome of the tragedy.
When a Christian dies, we all know they will live again,
in eternity, and we are happy for them. The people who
don't know what happens when their loved one is taken in
death are the ones I feel badly for. They don't have the
hope that Christians have so they are more than
distraught with the death of their loved one. In these
cases, I would encourage anyone who knows them, to try
and have them meet with a member of the clergy who can
give them peace of mind. Having had contact with some
who have no hope, I am thankful for the training I was
given, and the comfort it gives me.
Each loss to death that I experienced in my lifetime,
had an affect on my outlook of life. I have gained
insight in each case and have been able to share some of
my experiences with others at a tragic time in their
life. Some of those same people thanked me and expressed
how my sharing my experiences helped them.
In everything that happens, one can find blessings if
one just looks for them. With the death of a loved one,
the same is true. These are the memories one should want
to keep for the future because, regardless of how much
time passes, this is what is comforting as we think of
our loved ones with fond memories. In our world, at this
time, with all the shooting, drugs, stealing, lying, and
the other things being done that are evil, sometimes we
have to admit that when someone dies, they are far
better off, depending on what they knew would happen
after their death. |
