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Helping Children Cope With Death
By Tiffany Provost
Death is never easy to cope with, but it is very hard
for kids. There are many ways in which you can help your
child cope with the loss of someone close to them. Here
are tips on how to discuss death with your young child.
Be forthright. Children are more capable of
understanding and accepting death than many might think.
It's not necessary to "sugar-coat" the truth. Try
telling them exactly what happened, that Grandpa died,
instead of using terms such as 'passed on', 'departed',
or 'went to heaven'. You should say the correct term,
"death", to avoid confusing the youngster. You must use
the right terminology so that the child understands what
death is.
Practice the skill of careful listening. After a child
learns that a loved one has died, it is important that
you make yourself available to listen to his or her
thoughts and feelings. It may take some time before
children are ready to discuss their losses. Eventually,
they will want to share their feelings with you, and you
need to be prepared for this.
Tell the truth. Honesty and straight answers are
necessary when the right time comes to discuss death
with your children. Often for youngsters the first time
they deal with a death is very baffling. They will ask
about the reason the person departed, the reason for
death, and what will happen next. Once more, don't turn
the question into something trivial by giving back some
kind of a pat answer. A child will easily understand the
meaning of death if you approach the subject with
analogies that are simple to understand. You shouldn't
go overboard with details, yet provide them with
sufficient information to put their mind at ease (be
sure that the child's age is taken into consideration
before deciding about the details you will reveal about
death). This is a challenge they will have for life, so
it's best if they understand death now. It is possible
to be of assistance by providing useful answers.
Assist the child in the grieving process. After the
child learns what has happened to her loved one, she
will sob in her own way. Right now you need to just let
her feel comfortable and express her feelings as she
sees fit. Some children will show their emotions through
creating illustrations. Some kids might write a story,
talk, or even play a musical instrument to express their
feelings. Do not disturb or guide a child when it is
trying to express grief. It is healthy if it is left up
to them.
Allow the child to decide whether or not to attend the
funeral. She may not be comfortable attending the
funeral (or other family customs that mark the passing
of a close person). It ought to be up to her whether to
attend or not. Help the child to decide by explaining
why it's important for everyone to have a funeral and
what actually occurs at a funeral. Children will feel
comfortable attending the funeral if they realize that
it is a way to honor a loved one's life. While you may
have to talk the child into accompanying you, a funeral
can actually help your child come to terms with the
death of someone who they were close to.
Tiffany Provost writes about dealing with grief and
family and relationships tips [http://www.howtodothings.com/family-and-relationships]
for HowToDoThings.com. |
