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Coping With Death of a Loved One
By Jim Moustakas
Coping with the death of a loved one is one of the most
difficult things that you will ever have to do but it is
also unavoidable and because death is so final, the
enormity of the situation can make it difficult to
accept and your mind may be unable to cope sometimes
with the finality of it all.
Coping with death is an individual process. There are no
right or wrong ways of dealing with such a dramatic
crisis in your life, the old adage of time being a good
healer holds true and there is certainly no way to speed
up the healing process rather than come to terms with it
in your own time.
If your loss was a sudden one and totally unexpected,
the shock of the event can be totally numbing. A tragedy
like this can sever your emotions, shutting down your
ability to think logically and therefore preventing you
from having to deal with the reality of the situation.
This is your body's way of protecting you until you are
able to manage. Unfortunately, tears can be both a
cleansing and healing antidote to a tragic situation and
without this release; emotions can be bottled up and
gradually builds.
A long drawn out illness prior to death can bring its
own set of problems. You may have had a chance to say
goodbye or to provisionally prepare yourself for the
ending but in truth, your sense of loss will be as acute
as a sudden tragedy because often you will have had to
be strong throughout and the final scene can be like a
valve releasing as the tension and anguish erupts.
Grieving is an individual experience. You may react very
differently to those around you but don't feel guilty if
you feel that you are coping with your grief better than
someone else or the opposite, feel anger if others do
not seem to be experiencing the same raw emotions as
you. The grieving process is a difficult and varied one,
it can take months to come to terms with it and even
years later, your thoughts will stray to your loved one
and you will remember, but fortunately, the pain will be
replaced by more subtle feelings of loss and memories of
happier times.
Having someone to talk to can be of huge benefit, even
if you think that you are not able to open up and
discuss what has happened. If you are able, talk to
family or friends and share your emotions. If you are
unable to do this, consider talking to a grief
counsellor who will be able to help you come to terms
with your loss. The relief of sharing the jumble of
emotions and being able to make sense of your thoughts
can be a powerful release and one which can help you to
move the grieving process forward.
Coping with death takes courage but life does get better
and you can learn from the experience and keep the
memory of your loved one alive, just don't be afraid to
ask for help if you need it. |
