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Dealing With the Loss of a Loved One
By Chad Wiley
The loss of a dear and loved one is often quite
difficult to deal with. The trauma of such a loss can
sometimes be overpowering when psychological obstacles
develop and prevent the pained soul from accepting the
loss with peace in mind.
Specialists in the field or psychology, term this phase
as the "denial phase", when the bereaved soul refuses to
accept whatever has happened. For example, a teenage
daughter on losing her mother might start acting as if
her mother is only normally asleep and might try to wake
her up. She might refuse to use the words "dead" or
"gone" for her beloved mother. To help her overcome this
phase, she must be taken to the grave proceedings to
visualize the finality of death, which might reinforce
the reality she was trying to elude. But, most important
of all, she must be allowed to take her own time to come
to terms with the truth. Forcing matters on her, might
worsen the situation.
This phase is often followed or coincided by the "anger
phase". At the sudden loss of a loved one, one tends to
get angry at the situation, as one is then faced with a
future one did not expect. This anger is generally
directed towards destiny, the Almighty and who ever one
thought did not do enough to save the life that has
ended. When this anger is directed towards one's own
self, one often becomes depressed. More so when the
anger remains suppressed. It is very important at this
stage to express the anger. Family and friends around
should be sensitive and should try to discover if any
frustration and anger has accumulated in the mind of the
person at loss. If they find trace of any such
frustration, they should help at the anger getting
expressed. They should keep vigil of the fact that the
bereaved mind does not turn destructive in anger. The
individual at loss should himself or herself try to get
the anger out of his or her system by screaming, yelling
or even cursing.
This phase is often coincided or followed by the
ever-critical "depression phase", when the bereaved mind
is filled with a feeling of hopelessness as it is now
when the individual first realizes that his or her loved
one is never going to return. Letting go often proves to
be very depressing. Some people overcome depression
fast, while there are some who take really long to do
so. But an aggrieved soul may not necessarily mean a
clinically depressed soul. If only the grieving period
seems to be a bit extended, accompanied by the refusal
to accept support, loss of self-esteem and physical
abnormalities, medical help should be sought. One should
not shy off from seeking professional assistance. In the
depression phase, it is normal that one will feel like
crying one's heart out. One should not be ashamed of
doing so. Tears are generally healers. But again, if
this continues for months, medical assistance should be
sought.
A journey, through all these phases, normally brings the
aggrieved mind to the "acceptance phase". Even as it
continues to love and miss the deceased, new days bring
newer meanings and it accepts death as an unavoidable
truth. It admits the fact that the loss was meant to be.
Once the realization comes that "I am alive after all
and I have to move on with life", one tries and learns
to live without the lost one. Books, songs, movies and
journeys, that shift one's perspective from one's own
grief to the wider connotations of life, often assist in
bringing about this acceptance phase without much
difficulty. |
