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Tombstone Stones To Tickle Your Funny
Bones
Effie Jean Robinson
1897-1922
Come blooming youths, as you pass by ,
And on these lines do cast an eye.
As you are now, so once was I;
As I am now, so must you be;
Prepare for death and follow me.
Which is not funny at all. But underneath, someone had
added:
To follow you
I am not content,
How do I know
Which way you went.
Death in the West
Here lies Lester Moore.
Four slugs
From a forty-four.
No Les
No More.
Boot Hill Cemetery, Tombstone, Arizona
He was young
He was fair
But the Injuns
Raised his hair
Colorado
Bill Blake
Was hanged by mistake.
Boot Hill Cemetery, Tombstone, Arizona
Here lays Butch.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
Silver City, Nevada
Here lies a man named Zeke.
Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek.
(May be in Cripple Creek, Colorado)
Toothless Nell (Alice Chambers)
Killed 1876 in a Dance Hall brawl.
Her last words: "Circumstances led me to this end."
Boot Hill Museum, Dodge City, Kansas
Here lies the body of Arkansas Jim.
We made the mistake, But the joke's on him.
Culver City
He called
Bill Smith
A Liar
Cripple Creek, CO
On the grave of a woman who died in 1984. Colorado
Springs, Colorado. Her son, owner of Zeezo's Magic
Castle in Colorado Springs, stated that his mother had
been married to a Texan who is buried in Texas.
I would
rather be here
than in Texas.
James B. McCoy left a message on his 1899 tombstone
proclaiming his independence from the United States
Government.
Member Co. D 17th Iowa Inf. which mustered in 1165 men
and mustered out 42. Participated in 19 battles and 3
sieges. Never Applied For A Pension. Salida, Colorado
On a hanged man
Rab McBeth
Who died for the want
of another breath.
1791-1823
Larne, Ireland - On a hanged sheep stealer
Here lies the body of
Thomas Kemp.
Who lived by wool
and died by hemp.
Bletchley, Bucks, England
Winterborn Steepleton Cemetery, Dorsetshire, England
Here lies the body
Of Margaret Bent
She kicked up her heels
And away she went.
Food was the topic of many epitaphs.
Here lies old Rastus Sominy
Died a-eating hominy
In 1859 anno domini
Savannah, Georgia
He got a fish-bone in his throat
and then he sang an angel note.
Schenectady, New York
She was not smart, she was not fair,
But hearts with grief for her are swellin';
All empty stands her little chair:
She died of eatin' water-mellon.
In a New Jersey cemetery
Rebecca Freeland
1741
She drank good ale,
good punch and wine
And lived to the age of 99.
Beneath this stone, a lump of clay,
Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt.
Who died one morning just at ten
And saved a dinner by it.
Falkirk, England
1690
Here lie the bones of Joseph Jones
Who ate while he was able.
But once overfed, he dropt down dead
And fell beneath the table.
When from the tomb, to meet his doom,
He arises amidst sinners.
Since he must dwell in heaven or hell,
Take him - whichever gives the best dinners.
Here lies Johnny Cole.
Who died upon my soul
After eating a plentiful dinner.
While chewing his crust
He was turned into dust
With his crimes undigested - poor sinner.
In memory of Anna Hopewell
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
Enosburg Falls, Vermont
Here lies cut down like unripe fruit,
The wife of Deacon Amos Shute:
She died of drinking too much coffee,
Anny Dominy -- eighteen-forty.
Roxbury, Connecticut
Eliza, Sorrowing
Rears This Marble Slab
To Her Dear John
Who Died of Eating Crab.
Crouton
On a Farmer's Daughter, Letitia:
Grim Death
To Please His Palate
Has Taken My Lettice
To Put in His Sallat.
Ipswich
On a grave digger:
Hooray my brave boys
Lets rejoice at his fall.
For if he had lived
He would have buried us all.
On a grave digger:
Robert Phillip, gravedigger:
Here I lie at the Chancel door;
Here lie I because I am poor;
The farther in the more you pay;
Here I lie as warm as they.
Kingsbridge, England
On a coroner who hung himself:
He lived
And died
By suicide
West Grimstead, Sussex, England
On Ezekiel Pease:
Pease is not here,
Only his pod
He shelled out his Peas
And went to his God
Nantucket, Massachusetts
On a Coal-miner
Gone Underground For Good
On an Architect:
Here lies Robert Trollope
Who made yon stones roll up.
When death took his soul up
His body filled this hole up.
On a lawyer in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer.
And that is Strange.
On an attorney:
Goembel
John E.
1867-1946
"The defense rests"
On a dentist:
Stranger tread
This ground with gravity.
Dentist Brown
Is filling his last cavity.
Edinburgh, Scotland
On a brewer:
G. Winch, the brewer, lies buried here.
In life he was both hale and stout.
Death brought him to his bitter bier.
Now in heaven he hops about. |
