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On a Painter:
A Finished Artist
On an Auctioneer:
Jedediah Goodwin
Auctioneer
Born 1828
Going!
Going!!
Gone!!!
1876
On a fisherman:
Captain Thomas Coffin
Died 1842, age 50 years.
He's done a-catching cod
And gone to meet his God.
New Shoreham, Rhode Island
On a waiter:
Here lies the body of
Detlof Swenson.
Waiter.
God finally caught his eye.
April 10, 1902
On an Author:
He Has Written Finis
On a teacher:
Professor S. B. McCracken
School is out
Teacher
Has gone home.
Elkhart, Indiana
On John Yeast:
Here lies
Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.
Ruidoso, New Mexico
On John Penny:
Reader if cash thou are
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.
Wimborne, England
Epitaph on a huge boulder on the grave of a doctor:
William P. Rothwell, M.D.
1866-1939
This is on me. L
Oak Grove Cemetery, Pawtucket, Rhode Island
On a watchmaker:
Here lies in horizontal position the outside case of
Dear George Routleight, watchmaker, whose abilities in
that line were an honor to his profession -- integrity
was the mainspring, and prudence the regulator of all
the actions of his life. Humane, generous, and liberal,
his hand never stopped until he had relieved distress.
So nicely regulated were all his movements that he never
went wrong, except when set agoing by people who did not
know his key; even then he was easily set right again.
He had the art of disposing his time so well that the
hours glided away in one continued round of pleasure and
delight, till an unlucky moment put a period to his
existence. He departed this life November 14, 1802, aged
fifty-seven. Wound up in hopes of being taken in hand by
his Maker and being thoroughly cleansed, repaired, and
set agoing in the world to come. St Petrock's Church,
Lyford, Devon, England
On a gardener:
To the Green Memory of
William Hawkings
Gardener:
Planted Here
With Love and Care
By His
Grieving Colleagues
Davenport
On a traveling salesman:
My Trip is Ended:
Send My Samples Home
Hoboken
On a housewife:
Mary Weary, Housewife
Dere Friends I am going
Where washing ain't done
Or cooking or sewing:
Don't mourn for me now
Or weep for me never:
For I go to do nothing
Forever and ever!
Belchertown
A few epitaphs are subtle and do not appear humorous
until one thinks about them.
Here lies the body
of John Round.
Lost at sea
and never found.
Belturbet, Ireland
Here lies Barnard Lightfoot
Who was accidentally killed
in the 45th year of his age.
This monument was erected
by his grateful family.
Here lies the body of
Thomas Vernon
The only surviving son of
Admiral Vernon
Plymouth, Mass.
Sacred to the memory of
Major James Brush
Royal Artillery, who was killed
by the accidental discharge of
a pistol by his orderly,
14th April 1831.
Well done, good and faithful servant.
Unmarried women called "Old Maids" or "spinsters" were
another group that could be a source of humor.
1787 - Jones - 1855
Here lie the bones of Sophie Jones;
For her death held no terrors.
She was born a maid and died a maid.
No hits, no runs, and no heirs.
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
December 8, 1767
London, England |
