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New Trends In
Funeral Homes
By Cindy M. Clark
For centuries families have joined together for
ceremonies and rituals to help them make meaning of
their loss. Funeral professionals are all too familiar
with leading these types of remembrance services, as
well as the rising trend of personalization. By offering
a variety of choices to families you'll find that in
addition to helping them commemorate a loved one, you
are inviting a variety of opportunities to connect and
build a rapport. Asking open-ended questions during
arrangements for instance allows a funeral director to
not only get to know more about the deceased, but also
to observe the ways in which families interact. More
importantly this becomes the ideal setting to transform
family conversations into ceremonial creations.
How is Memorializing Different than Personalization?
Although very similar concepts, personalization in the
funeral home tends to focus more on how the deceased is
represented. I'm sure you've found that involving family
members or friends in this process creates a sense of
unity and ensures that the personality of the deceased
is kept alive. Memorializing goes above and beyond
personalization. The act of memorializing pays tribute
to a person's life and gives loved ones and friends the
opportunity to recall memories. Funeral professionals
who offer suggestions and facilitate such conversations
can actually help family and friends capture even more
memories. Recalling memories helps to build stories
about the deceased, therefore the likelihood of
preserving memories increases as more stories are
generated.
Helping someone say goodbye to a loved one is an
important service provided by funeral professionals and
the cornerstone to any funeral home business. The care,
compassion and empathy you exude at such a delicate time
in a person's life, is not likely to be forgotten.
Now-a-days, most people are familiar with photo boards,
familiar music and small mementos that honor the life of
someone when they enter the funeral home. Taking the
leap from personalization to memorialization is not
complicated, it simply involves providing tools,
suggestions and handouts to show family, friends and the
community-at-large that you are thinking of them and
that you recognize that everyone's life is special.
Helping Families Memorialize
During a wake, why not have small pieces of cardstock
just the right size for people to write down their
favorite memories of the person who died? Having
discussed this idea with family or friends during
arrangements, you may want to walk around during calling
hours with some cards and pens in a small basket
encouraging others to share memories. These memories,
funny stories or special recollections can be gathered
at the end of the services and either given to family or
friends in a special box or displayed in an album. If
you don't feel comfortable walking around encouraging
participation, you may want to check to see if the
family would like a child or someone else to do the
honors.
Of course there are many variations to this type of
activity. You could have a box or basket of cards with
directions displayed near the guest book on a separate
table or you could have the directions with a poem or
special phrase or prayer printed on the back of the
cards and hand them out with a pen (imprinted with your
name/logo) to people as they walk in. Encourage visitors
to hand in their memories before they leave and to take
the pen home with them as a gift.
This memorialization technique can be modified even
further for children visiting your funeral home,
however, try and buy larger cardstock pieces (found in
the scrapbooking section of most arts/crafts supply
stores) since children tend to need more room to write
and draw pictures. Another suggestion for children:
pre-cut shapes out of construction paper, such as
butterflies, hearts or flowers. Children can then write,
dictate or draw their favorite memories on these
cut-outs to have as keepsakes, place in the casket or
share with others.
Giving families the tools to help their children
memorialize a loved one is truly priceless. Whether you
are providing children with an all-inclusive
grief-related coping kit or just a pencil and a paper,
you are providing them with an opportunity to create
lasting keepsakes in the memory of their loved one. This
is so important especially for families with young
children, since sadly, the average young child will
forget precious memories as early as a few months
following their loss.
Families with children of all ages may be interested in
a special children's service to help memorialize a loved
one. Together they can choose songs or readings that pay
tribute to their loved one. Children may also want to
write a story, poem or song that can be read or sung
aloud. They may also want to perform a little skit or
play that highlights the personality of the deceased or
favorite memories. Creating a goodbye poster is also a
nice way to involve children in the memorialization
process. Encourage families to use poster-board or long
butcher paper, words/pictures from magazines, copies of
photographs and a variety of arts/crafts materials such
as ribbon, paint and stickers. It is always interesting
to see a tribute to the deceased through the eyes of a
child. Encourage a family to bring in their poster so
that you may display it for visitors entering your
funeral home.
The possibilities are endless, but you don't necessarily
have to stretch your imagination to help adults and
children memorialize a loved one. Many funeral directors
ask certain questions to illicit conversations about
memories during arrangements. You may already ask these
types of questions to get to know a family better or as
a first step for personalization. Try encouraging family
and friends to share stories with you about the person
who died. By connecting some of this information, you
are well on your well to helping a family memorialize a
loved one.
Suppose during arrangements someone mentions to you that
their loved one enjoyed cooking. Why not offer to print
a favorite recipe in the memory of the deceased? If food
is allowed at your funeral home, why not offer a copy of
the recipe and a sample of the dish itself? There are so
many variations to this memorialization technique.
Explore ideas with families and friends and you may be
surprised at what they come up with!
Candles are another way to help connect stories and help
people memorialize. Since there are now virtually
hundreds of scents to choose from, a family can most
definitely find a scent that reminds them of their loved
one. Whether it is the scent that reminds them of
grandma's banana bread, the scent of autumn leaves that
is reminiscent of dad hunting in the woods or the smell
of pumpkin that reminds a family of a child's favorite
holiday, Halloween, ideas are plentiful. You may even
want give visitors a special votive candle with a
sticker placed on the back with your name and logo and a
special inscription in memory of the deceased. It goes
without saying that these special give-a-ways not only
provide lasting memories, but they also provide a subtle
marketing opportunity as well.
Many funeral homes offer journals, albums or family tree
memorabilia which become lasting memories and family
heirlooms. Other funeral homes offer coping kits,
pre-printed coloring pages or coloring books to
children. Memorialization doesn't have to be expensive.
If you can not afford to give away small gifts like the
ones mentioned above you may want to consider offering
photographs to the family or friends, handprints,
footprints, locks of hair or video taping the ceremony.
These items are especially precious for children.
Remember, as they grow older, children have a limited
ability to recall their involvement in wakes, funerals
or memorial services. By providing special opportunities
to honor their loved one, you are actually helping to
decrease the likelihood of secondary losses associated
with loss of memory.
Most likely you will find that a brief conversation
about memorialization will spark many creative ideas
from family and friends. Over time keep a list of these
ideas to add to your repertoire of suggestions and to
pass along to others. You may even want to add
memorialization as one of the many services offered.
Children and adults undoubtedly benefit from a variety
of memorialization ideas and activities. It is a gentle
way to begin the grief process, especially if someone
was not able to say goodbye to their loved one before
he/she died. I'm sure you will agree, as the needs of
families become more diverse, so should our range of
products and services. By supporting those left behind
and encouraging conversations about memorializing you
not only enhance communication amongst family and
friends you also provide an avenue to help them share
memories and create lasting keepsakes.
Below are some additional suggestions for memorializing
you may want to pass along;
o Create a storybook, memory book or memory box about
your loved one who has died. Write down important things
that you would like to remember about the person who
died. Interview family members and friends to find out
about their favorite memories and more information.
o Write a message to the deceased. Each night light a
candle and remember your loved one while placing your
message in a special box.
o Create a special memorial area in your home or display
items in a shadow-box frame. Include some favorite
things or special mementos from the time you spent
together.
o Carry a lock of hair or portion of a loved ones
cremated remains in tiny container or locket.
o Provide a dedication at your loved one's favorite
place with a specially engraved bench or stone or some
other type of marker. Celebrate your loved one's life by
visiting or having a picnic at this special place.
o Encourage children to draw pictures or write stories
inspired by their memories of the deceased.
o Make a donation to a charity or create a scholarship
in the name of the person who died.
o Plant a tree, shrub or flowers as a living symbol to
honor the life of the deceased.
o Make a collage about the deceased using magazines,
photos, stickers, etc. Frame portions of goodbye posters
or photo boards used during funeral services.
© 2008. Hoping Skills Company, LLC
Cindy Clark, MSW, CCLS is a social worker and certified
child life specialist in addition to being a funeral
home consultant and grief counselor. She is also the
co-founder of Hoping Skills Company near Boston, a
sympathy gift and grief resource center. In the past,
Ms. Clark spent several years as a child life specialist
in hospice and hospital settings working with children
and families dealing with end-of-life issues. She now
utilizes her expertise in death and dying to develop
consultations and children's programming for funeral
homes. With nearly 15 years in the field, Ms. Clark now
lends her expertise in the field of grief and
bereavement as a professor at Mount Ida College in
Newton, MA, a world-wide speaker, author and therapist.
To contact Ms. Clark or for more information on the
types of memorial products, funeral home consultations
or grief-related services offered by Hoping Skills
Company, go to [http://www.griefgifts.com] or call
1-888-815-HOPE |
