|
Share Your Grief
By Gene Torrey
Everyone gets to experience a moment of grief, loss and
sadness at some point in their lifetime. Grief is
something that follows a loss. Grief can take many
forms: it can initially settle in as numbness and later
evolve to become a mixture of sadness, anger, confusion,
sense of being lost, frustration nd desperation. Losing
a child causes grief that can be very painful. A parent
who is emotionally and physically close to the child
finds himself losing a portion of his own identity along
with the loss of a child. This puts the parent in a sort
of psychological trauma. They may find themselves
wondering how to bring back their child - searching for
them or reminders of them. They may even hear their
voice or think that they see them in familiar places. It
takes a long time to gradually get accustomed to the
great loss. The intense emotional pain that takes over
the parents when they first hear of the loss of their
child can make them feel if they can ever survive
through this pain. Progress is made through grief slowly
as the feelings are worked through. Freud called this
grief work.
Each individual reacts in a different way to the loss of
a child. While some people seem to cope well with the
grief, others isolate themselves and become depressed
and even consider suicide. Isolation is not a good thing
unless the person is self-determined and tough or
spiritually detached in mind. Isolated people do not let
their feelings show and suppressed feelings lead to
depression and other kinds of physical and mental
ailments as well. Research shows that it is not a good
thing to pretend that nothing happened when a loss as
huge as the loss of a child happens. Without adequate
help from others, the parents are likely to feel unease,
restlessness and anxiety. If they have more children,
they might fear for their lives. If the child they have
lost is their only child, they might fear thinking about
their own future. It is important they need someone to
listen and ask questions and not just offer them words
of comfort.
When the loss of a child happens, the parents need
people to help them confront the fears of the new and
unknown future. It's very important that they are able
to share their grief with close friends, family members
or counselors. It is said that in times of crisis such
as this, parents need a kind of emotional first aid -
love and a shoulder to cry on. Parents do need privacy
and time to mourn the loss of their child. They also
need people for support. There should be a balance
between grieving alone and sharing grief. Some people
find it helpful to spend fifteen to twenty minutes alone
every day. This time acts as a safety valve. In it they
deal with any emotions they have stored up during the
day. There are different ways of grieving in private:
thinking, crying, praying, meditating, writing or
drawing, talking to the dog! Keeping a journal or grief
diary also helps. Parents can write down their feelings
and the memories of the loved one. They can then see how
their grief changes over a period of weeks and months.
This is proof of progress. If the diary is kept in a
safe place the written memories become precious in the
future. Alternatively some people feel more comfortable
with drawing pictures or seeing photographs of their
child. Sharing the grief with loved ones help people to
talk through their grief. They can relive their happy
moments with their child by talking to people or
counselors, or by joining a bereavement support group.
Turning inwards for spiritual strength also helps in
understanding and coping with grief. Spirituality helps
a person be grateful for the things that he has rather
than grieving for what he has lost. It also enables a
person to accept that his child is now in the hands of
God and happy in Heaven.
Thus we find that different people have different
strategies for coping with grief. When then loss is as
great as the loss of one's precious child, parents need
a balanced approach to dealing with grief. They need to
have moments of isolation to work through their
feelings, moments of prayer to help them acquire new
understanding and strength, and moments of sharing to
have the support of family and friends. This mix is
different for different people and when they find the
right balance, they can find a way to cope with the loss
of a child. |
