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Anticipatory Grief Feelings Not
Associated With Death
By Harriet Hodgson
I taught school for a dozen years and loved every one of
them. But the day came when I realized I had done
everything I could with my job and had no more to give.
To keep myself creative I started writing articles for
educational magazines and several were published. The
idea of becoming a writer intrigued me, so I gave the
school several months notice and quit my job to pursue
this new career.
Quitting teaching was a hard decision -- a grieving
decision -- and every time I drove past the school tears
welled up in my eyes. Now I understand that I was going
through anticipatory grief, a feeling of loss before a
death or dreaded event occurs. One career had ended and
the other was uncertain. Though some may not identify
it, everyone goes though anticipatory grief.
You may have feelings of loss long before your child
leaves for college. An impending divorce may cause
emotional upheaval and grief. A job transfer to another
city may cause you to grieve for the home and community
you have come to love. Anticipatory grief is powerful,
so powerful it can literally change your life. What are
the symptoms?
Denial is one of them. Even if you sense you are
grieving, you may push sad thoughts to the back of your
mind. Nervousness is another symptoms and you are on
constant alert. This nervousness may develop into
anxiety and dread. Long-term anticipatory grief can lead
to crying spells, mood swings, anger and depression.
Anticipatory grief does not arrive at the door like an
isolated package. While you are grieving, you may also
be dealing with a variety of issues, such as getting
ready to move. No wonder you are forgetful. Because you
are swamped, you may eat on the run or snack instead of
eating balanced meals. Sleep problems keep you awake at
night and your days may become a study in fatigue.
Anticipatory grief differs from post-death grief in
several ways. One difference is the inability to predict
when it will end. Another difference is the mixture of
sorrow and hope. You feel sorrow, yet continue to hope
things will turn out all right.
Meghan O'Rouke writes about "The True Nature of
Mourning" in an April, 2009 issue of "The Week." As
common as grief is, O'Rouke notes that it is difficult
to confront it. In a culture that tends to hide grief
and lacks mourning rituals, she says, "We want to
achieve emotional recovery." Fortunately, there are
things you can do to help yourself.
Be alert to the symptoms of anticipatory grief. Eat
balanced meals and go to bed at the same time each
night. Whether they are spoken or written, express your
feelings with words. Share your feelings with a trusted
relative or friend. Slowly, step-by-step, work on
building your healing path.
Painful as it is, anticipatory grief helps you to
discover your true self. Indeed, you may evolve into a
new person, someone you did not know before and want to
know better now. You are a work in progress and so is
anticipatory grief. |
