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Questions Not To Ask At Funerals!
By Bob Alexander
I've attended more than my share of funerals and
memorial services over the last couple of years. As a
result, I've compiled a list of questions that I've
overheard and which I don't think are appropriate for
such solemn occasions. Here's the list in no particular
order:
.01 "Can I have his bass boat? I'll pay you for it of
course, but I'm sure Steve would have wanted me to have
it at a very reasonable price. After all, we've been
friends for all these years." This question to the widow
of a fishing buddy of mine is not altogether a heartless
attempt to get a good buy on a boat. After all, the
departed had recently installed a new depth finder and
sonar equipment! Better still, dear old Steve's memory
would be fishing along side us when we hit the crappie
beds in the spring.
As any true fishermen know, wives do not really
appreciate the boat in which her dear departed husband
spent so many hours relaxing. She just sees it as
something that took him away from her so often. This is
the time to make a deal on the boat!
.02 "He looks so life like and peaceful." No Way! Dead
folks I've seen in caskets at funerals I've attended did
not look life-like!. I'm not trying to be insensitive,
but the fact is that's not them in the box! It's just a
shell and if I was lying there with all kinds of people
looking down on me, I would really be insulted if they
thought that was how I appeared while I was living!
.03 "How are you holding up?" How is the bereaved
supposed to answer? "I feel wonderful? I thought the
miserable s.o.b. would never die! Life is great!" Most
of us simply would answer as I have, "I'm getting along.
Tomorrow will be better!" This is one of the more stupid
questions that is asked of the bereaved at almost every
funeral and memorial service as a show of compassion. As
much as I hate to admit it, I'm guilty of this one and
probably will ask it again.
.04 "Who gets to keep the ashes?" As weird as this
question sounds, it popped up not long ago at a memorial
service I attended. The recently departed hadn't left
instructions as to the disposal of his remains after the
cremation. Legally, of course, the ashes would have gone
to the wife. In this case she didn't want them because
she was going to Hawaii to mourn alone. The thought of
him sitting on the mantle piece back home while she
caught a few rays, would have even further dampened the
grieving process. She gave them to his daughter who
asked the age old question, "What am I going to do with
them?"
.05 "Are you going to be dating soon?" I actually heard
this one at a memorial service of a young man who had
died suddenly in a car crash. The widow was
understandably distraught and fainted as the thoughtless
clod who asked the question looked around as if to say,
"Was it something I said?"
.06 "How exactly did he die?" Juicy details are always
asked for at funerals. Maybe it's just the ghoul in us
that makes us so tactless in the midst of grieving.
There are always those who get turned on talking about
death and dying. There's one at every funeral.
The situation is similar to the looky loos you see
stopping on the side of the road near a serious
automobile accident hoping to see a decapitated corpse,
giving them a tidbit of news for anyone who will listen.
.07 "Did he have life insurance?" This one is a winner!
Once again the morbid curiosity of man comes shining
through a difficult situation. Usually this is asked of
a widow. I wish I could hear a reply such as this," Yes
he did; quite a lot in fact. He wasn't much good at
anything while he was alive, but he was smart enough to
have enough insurance to keep paying his insurance
premiums. That money will keep me living on the beach in
luxury for the rest of my life!" That would be a great
response wouldn't it?
As Sally Field once said, "Death is just part of living
Forrest." So is the curiosity of man.
Bob Alexander is well experienced in outdoor cooking,
fishing and leisure living. Bob is also the author and
owner of this article. Visit his sites at:
[http://www.homeandgardenbob.com]
[http://www.redfishbob.com] |
